Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
