I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
