why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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