I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
