Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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