Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
