I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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