My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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