Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
are you so shy because you have an std?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
