Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
