I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
