My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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