I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Panties = found
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
