I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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