Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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