the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
