well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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