We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
