I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
