There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
