Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
