how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
