So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
