My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
