drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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