she looked like the before picture.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
