Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
