weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
