Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
