I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
