hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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