paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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