This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
