I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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