Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
