fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
