I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
