so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
