She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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