even my farts smell like vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
