So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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