What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sext me about skeletons
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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