Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
