it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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