dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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