Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
