I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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