By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
