Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
