Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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