Just took my morning after pill in the library
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
