How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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