none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Non-Jews are for practice
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
