She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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