I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
