Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
