You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
