dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
