I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
