The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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